Counselling

It’s OK to Forget

~ claire ballardie

We put a lot of focus on being able to remember things, beating ourselves up when we are forgetful. But your brain is wired to filter out unneccessary information, to declutter your mind, so that remembering what is important becomes easier. The ability to forget takes practice,  but this gives your brain space to organise memories more easily.

How we forget

If you imagine your mind as a cupboard, with over-flowing drawers, piles of stuff shoved to the back, it is difficult to find anything.

Similarly, your brain can be overloaded with memories, past experiences, or with worries, ‘what if’s’ about the future. These memories get in the way of being able to forget what is not useful or helpful.

what we forget

You forget where you put the car keys if your mind is on something else at the time. If you can actively forget information you do not need, and just concentrate on where your are putting your keys, you will remember where you our them.

Mindfulness is about being able to forget what is not important right now.

 

when we forget

The mind is clever at filtering out experiences which are frightening, overwhelming, traumatising, in an effort to regulate our nervous system, to keep us calm.

If we cannot forget, scary experiences, living in a permanent state of fear, we become anxious. If our mind is cluttered and unable to filter this can leading to psychological issues such as post traumatic stress. Counselling can help you rebalance the fear/safety process in your mind and body.

why we forget

We forget to protect ourselves from sadness, fear, distress. Sometimes it’s harde to forget what someone did or said to us we found hurtful. being able to forget, these feelings can help to restore a sense peace with unpleasant experiences.

Having new pleasant experiences can replace negative thoughts, memories, so we forget negativity, and see things in a more positive light.

Learning to forget

So, going back to our ‘mental wardrobe’, we need to have space in our ‘mental wardrobe for memories to be safely stored. `Some we will need easy access to, such as remembering tasks, locations, where we have been, what we have done. Storing it on you phone does’t count!

Memories are made, the filtered, and filed for easy retrieval. We forget by letting irrelevant information go, not keeping it in our active memory, so we don’t keep it ‘just in case’. Memories can be happy or sad.  We might like to hang on to happy memories, but want to forget feeling sad.

 

For example, you might imagine waves on a beach, washing away the sadness with each roll of the  surf. This sad memory would gradually fade away, leaving space for more making new happier memories.

 

References

Fawcett, J. M., & Taylor, T. L. (2010). Directed forgetting shares mechanisms with attentional withdrawal but not with stop-signal inhibition. Memory & cognition, 38(6), 797–808. https://doi.org/10.3758/MC.38.6.797

Fawcett, J. M., & Taylor, T. L. (2008). Forgetting is effortful: evidence from reaction time probes in an item-method directed forgetting task. Memory & cognition, 36(6), 1168–1181. https://doi.org/10.3758/MC.36.6.1168

Couples Therapy

~ claire ballardie

Couples Therapy

Relationships are hard work! Meeting someone, falling in love, building a life together- Phew!

Cats

 

Then the work begins. Being able to negotiate what is best for both of you, to meet each other’s needs, as well coping with the practicalities of daily life can take its toll on the most loving of couples.

 

How does couples therapy work?

Therapy can help to open conversations about your relationship. Whether you feel your relationship will survive with professional help, or if it is coming to an end,  counselling can help you to discuss options to renegotiate a fractured partnership, or to ease a break up. Plans can be made for a new future for you both.

Newly married?

Getting to know each other can be exciting, and loving, but tackling those niggles and disagreements early on. Couples Coaching can help you both to learn how to communicate with each other, and ease you into the future as a new couple. Reaching out for therapy before things get too difficult can help you both to take care of your marriage, to maintain harmony rather than wait until emotions bubble over.

Prices

Contact me for further details, and to book your first session together.

Weight Loss

~ claire ballardie

Weight loss is an issue that affects many people. May be you have chosen to lose weight, and are struggling with managing the life changes it can bring. Currently, a lot of media attention is on weight loss jabs and their effectiveness, and drawbacks.

In a positive way, being a healthy weight aids digestion, sleep, energy levels, and self-esteem. Adapting to a healthier life style, with attention to diet and exercise, can help you to feel great about yourself, and improve quality of life.

On the negative side, unhealthy ways to lose weight , crash diets, weight loss aids such as injections, can affect your mental health. Disordered eating manifests as either over-eating, (comfort eating), or starvation, such as anorexia or purging (bulimia). These extremes cause mind and body distress,

To achieve, and maintain a healthy weight for your body it is so important to have support through weight loss programmes, to understand your eating habits, and their underlying causes.

 

 

 

Counselling can really help with discovering a healthy relationship your body, feeding your soul, not just your body..  For a successful, long-term relationship with your weight, embracing a new lifestyle can be life changing, if not life-saving.

Contact me to see how counselling can help you through the changes you might face.

Life Coaching

~ claire ballardie

Life coaching can help you to make those difficult decisions in life. We can work together to find out what is important in your life, and what is unhelpful. Speaking to a non-judgemental, independent person can give an unbiased view on any issues you like to bring to our sessions.

I aim to help you to find your own solutions to issues that bother you, and empower you to make your own choices to improve your home life, career, or strive for successful outcomes.

Please  Contact me to arrange your initial phone call or for further details

I offer a free 20 minute phone call to chat about your goals and to book your first session.

The Language of Emotional Energy

~ claire ballardie

The Language of Emotional Energy

 Does your body speak to you? Do you listen when it does?

Do you ever have a ‘gut feeling’ about someone? A sense of joy perhaps, of feeling a connection with someone, but you don’t know why? Or perhaps you meet someone that you take an instant dislike to, a sense of foreboding? Emotional energy is created from the effect of your personal life experience.

 

The energy fuelling our emotion response is created by our nervous system. We may describe this as a ‘vibe’ or a ‘gut feeling’. We may meet someone who makes us feel safe, and calm, an instinct that we can trust them. Alternatively, someone may ‘gives us the creeps’, a sense that we need to steer clear of them. Emotional energy fuels joy, positivity, or is the driving force behind anger.

 

We can also connect with others with our emotional energy, by sensing what the other person feels, or needs in that moment. This is where compassion and empathy come in.

Energetic sensitivity

Having energetic awareness (mindfulness) is about noticing how your own emotional energy is at any given moment, in response to other people, or outside influences. It is about sensing what you, or the other person, needs. Sensitivity to this energetic response brings you in touch with your emotions, how you feel. Your ‘energy field’ can protect you if you feel afraid, a shield against unwelcome intrusions.

Energetic sensitivity enables us to be more aware of how we feel emotionally in the moment, in any situation we find ourselves in.

Intuition

Intuition is the ability to sense something, to respond instinctively, without the process of conscious thought. Our body lets us know something is amiss with physical sensations, such as a ‘gut reaction’ a knot in your stomach.

Trusting our intuition comes from developing energetic sensitivity. We become aware of emotion in others, if someone is tense, or relaxed and calm.

How emotional energy works for you

Giving off negative energy, a ‘keep away vibe’ , in situations you may find challenging, such as in a crowded room, will let others know you feel uncomfortable, with out uttering a word.

You can give off positive energy if you feel safe, confident. Being in the presence of someone who has a calming energy can give you a sense of safety, that it is OK to relax.

Paying attention to your own energetic responses, and those from other people, helps you to negotiate the world of connection to others, on your own terms. This can give you a sense of self-worth, confidence, and feeling comfortable in your own skin.

As a psychotherapist, I can work with you to find balance with your own  emotionally energy.

Contact me for more information.