Pet Bereavement

Pet Bereavement: Losing a pet.

We generally live longer than our pets, so most pet owners experience grief from a beloved animal companion in their lives.

Sammy Poodle

Pets fulfill our need to nurture, and are a valued family member, often being more important to us than people. We love them because they love us unconditionally. They are our best friends regardless of how we dress, our social standing, or if we have had a bad day at work.

The powerful feelings that arise from such loss are often overlooked, or dismissed. Common responses to pet loss are ‘Well, it’s just a dog. Surely you can just get another one.’ or ‘Cheer up, you’ll get over it.’

Our pets are by our sides through thick and thin. They listen to our woes, comfort us when we cry, and share our joy when we celebrate happiness. For this reason, losing our ‘animal buddy’, our best friend,  leaves a huge hole in our hearts.

Coping with pet loss

Grief is grief. Losing a pet is just as devastating, or more so, than losing someone we hold dear. Grief waves over us, like a Sunami. Over time, these waves lessen, come less frequently, subside more gently, as we come to understand our own individual way of coping. It is said that ‘grief is love with nowhere to go’.

Cats

Sharing your experience with a therapist, like me, who ‘gets it’ can really help. I understand the impact of pet loss: I have lost much-loved animals in my life. As a therapist, my role is to support you as you find a way of understanding your feelings. I  can guide you through the process of  bereavement, helping you to find a way forwards, to acknowledge the pain of your loss.

 

 

As an animal lover, I share your tears. We will find a way to love them still, and enjoy wonderful memories, to keep them forever in our hearts.

Please contact me if you would like help coping with pet bereavement.

Mental health emergency contact

Here are some useful mental health emergency contacts if you are struggling with your mental health.

I do not offer a crisis service, but am available for on-going counselling support. Contact me of you would like an initial chat on the phone.

Here are some useful links:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/getting-help-in-a-crisis/

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/

Mental Health Helplines Wiltshire

 

Coping with The Winter Blues-SAD

Coping with the winter blues

Winter is tough for many people. Short days, with a lack of sunlight, are a long way from the colours and warmth of summer, often leading to seasonal depression, or S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder).

 What causes it

SAD sufferers seem to have difficulty regulating seratonin, a neurotransmitter which regulates mood, digestion, sleep, sense of wellbeing, happiness.

The Science behind it

Lack of sunlight reduces seratonin levels – associated with depression and increases melatonin, a hormone produced by the brain in response to darkeness, regulating sleep patterns. (such as with Jet Lag)

Reduced levels of vitamin D- produced by sunlight reacting with chemicals in the skin, contributes to  fatigue, quality of sleep

Sufferers have difficulty regulating circadian rhythm or body clock which adjusts to seasonal light/ dark cycle. 

How does it differ from clinical depression?

A symptom of Clinical depression- is decreased appetite, whereas seasonal depression shows increased appetite

How it affects you

The main symptoms are : feeling sad, low mood, low energy, affecting normal daily life. Tiredness and hunger are also common.

Recent studies  compare SAD with hibernation, increased appetite, and need to sleep more. winter depression may have been the norm to survive the winter months. Our ancestors may have chosen to shelter from the winter weather in caves, sleeping more, but they could have suffered from poor nutrition, and a lack of vitamin D from sunlight.  Research indicates that there are biological similarities with hibernation ,the human body is not designed to survive months living off body fat in the way that bears can, for example.

How to treat it

  • Spending as much time as possible outside, particularly on sunny days.
  • Increased vitamin D – best source is sunlight, supplements, diet, SAD lamp.
  • Healthy diet
  • Exercise outdoors
  • Counselling
  • Anti-depressants
  • Lift your mood with something you enjoy

Useful tips:

Listen to your body. If you need to rest more, cosy up indoors, that’s fine. Do what you need to do.

Counselling can help to view short, dark days with a different perspective. Relating differently to your personal experiences of SAD can help to find your own, individual way to cope. You may even find you can embrace winter!

Try bringing some holiday activities into your day, even for a short time- maybe look at a favourite photo during a coffee break. Lifting your mood by doing something you really enjoy- singing along to a song on the radio, or dancing to a favourite holiday tune.

What would you enjoy on holiday? Curling up with a good book,  cooking colourful meals such as stir fries, or a spicy curry?  Having time to chill out, or maybe to try a new form of exercise?

 

When the weather is grey, but bringing colour into your life can give you a break from the endless gloom of winter and lift your mood. Wear something colourful for fun, brighten your make-up, paint your nails, wear comedy socks! Take advantage of the wonderful memories of light and warmth to remind yourself how good you feel in summer. Take photos for some happy memories to look back on in winter.

Useful links:

More about Seasonal Affective Disorder 

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/a35033907/early-humans-hibernation/

Melrose S. (2015). Seasonal Affective Disorder: An Overview of Assessment and Treatment Approaches. Depression research and treatment, 2015, 178564. https://doi.org/10.1155/2015/178564

 

Surviving the Winter Solstice

In the UK, 21st December is the winter solstice, where the earth is at its furthest point from the Sun, following its elliptical path. The North Pole is tilted away from the sun’s light, meaning less daylight. It has been celebrated for thousands of years as the start of astrological winter.

Surviving the Solstice

 

So, on the shortest day of the year, I set off to Stonehenge. Living only 20 minutes away from the ancient stones, I thought it was about time I experienced the winter solstice celebrations, to see what it was all about. For me, once the shortest day is out of the way, the only way is onwards and upwards, looking forwards to gradually more sunlight on the approach to spring.

 

Getting there was simple- following the diversion signs took us easily to the car park, there were plenty of buses, and the half hour walk in the dark to the stone circle was invigorating in the chilly winter air.

Galloping towards the stones

 

I found being in a ‘holding pen’ with a large crowd of people  a bit claustrophobic, but pounding across the field with everyone to the stones  was quite exciting.

We squashed into the inner circle to welcome the sunrise, but as it was cloudy, we experienced a ‘lightening of the sky’.

 

 

Stone at Stonehenge

 

 

The sounds of drumming and chanting were atmospheric, despite being squashed against one of the massive stones. I took advantage of its grounding energy to keep calm, while casting an eye around for way out.

 

 

Sunrise at Stonehenge

I saw my opportunity to escape, and followed in the slip stream of a mother and daughter, forging a path through the people. My January sales elbows’ were required to get through, and I was tutted at, glared at and even poked as I kept my eye on my chosen route out.

 

 

colourful costume

 

Once out, I could enjoy the spectacle. I sat on the mound which surrounded the stones, giving me a great vantage point to enjoy the drumming, dancing, and ‘people watch’. Dawn braved the crowds to experience the drumming at close quarters.

 

 

We walked back to the bus in the daylight, surrounded by excited chattering voices, starting to feel the effects of an early start. We set off home  for a much-needed bacon sandwich,. I felt as though I had been on a transatlantic flight, so spent the afternoon sleeping off the ‘jet lag’!

I have woken this morning bright as a button. I feel as though I have been fully part of the earth’s shift into winter, experiencing my own ‘energetic shift’.

Would I do it again? Maybe not at Stonehenge, as I think for me its a ‘once in a lifetime experience’, but thoughts for next year are turning towards Avebury!

The stream after the storm

The stream after the storm

After the last few days of rainstorms, our usually placid stream became more energetic with the volume of water pushing along its route. I hope you enjoy this short film, and embrace whatever energy it brings you.